Get Fit Big Guy

So, I’ve really slipped up. I haven’t bothered to weigh cause I really don’t want to know how bad I’ve fallen off the wagon. In the week leading up to my birthday, I really stopped watching what food I was eating and started just neglecting myself all around. I’ve not gotten even nearly enough sleep in the past month. I have continually and habitually made poor choices for myself. I’ve allowed myself to be a victim of circumstance, being tossed around by my lack of will power and unwillingness to plan.

Now, I have to fight cynicism. I am naturally inclined to be cynical, yet I know that there’s little truth there, so I have to try and be discerning and see what’s true. Because of my struggle, it is really hard for me to hear most any “self-help” or “self-improvement” teaching without scoffing. Yet, I know there is a lot of truth in there, so I have to persevere past my own inclinations.

That said, I’ve started reading “48 Days to the Work You Love” by Dan Miller. I’m only getting into Chapter 4, but the things he and my boss have said regarding goal-setting continues to ring true. I am not – by nature – a “goals person.” I am starting to see where that may have been my downfall in a number of areas of my life.

Now, I’ve set this outlandish goal of reaching 200 pounds by the end of August. That goal slipped out of my reach before I really even got on track with it. I’m guessing that’s because it wasn’t immediate enough or something…who knows? All I know is that this seems to happen a lot. When I’ve tried to set goals, I am consistent…about letting myself down and watching those goals slip away.

The biggest frustration I have with myself is this:

As much as I want to be healthier and in good shape, I continue to thwart my every effort through either laziness, selfishness or some other personal weakness. And while I can identify those many stumbling blocks, I feel unable to overcome them. Even though I understand that lesser people have gotten past far more daunting obstacles to reach their goals…it’s like this roller coaster of poor logic and unhealthy thoughts.

So, what’s next?

I’d love to say that I’m drawing a line in the sand and that I’ll never go back to the old way, but I don’t know that I can honestly say that right now. And I really hate that.

If anyone has some good ideas about how to set goals and see them through, I would love to get some insight, because I can’t think of a time in my life when I’ve actually done that. I’m sad to say that, especially with the sort of people I work with and for, but it’s the truth. If this sounds like some sort of cry for help, then so be it…maybe it is. All I know is that I can’t do it myself. I need help. And I’m sorry if I sound like some melodramatic freak, but I really don’t know what to do besides ask for help.